Parenting is demanding in any circumstance, but raising a child with autism brings added layers of complexity. Emotional weight, logistical challenges and long-term uncertainty can create ongoing, intense stress for caregivers.
Jamie McGillivary, a metro Detroit autism expert and founder of Healing Haven, has made it her mission to support both children and the families who care for them. At Healing Haven’s autism therapy centers in Madison Heights, Farmington Hills and Clinton Township, families find a holistic model of care — one that includes stress support for parents and caregivers, who are so often the quiet backbone of the entire system.
Why is parenting a child with autism so stressful?
“Parenting in general is very stressful,” says McGillivary. “The highs are very high. And the struggles can be very intense.”
For parents of children with autism, that intensity often comes with additional layers: navigating school systems, understanding a new diagnosis, managing insurance and worrying about the long-term future.
“There’s an added layer of stress because it’s the stress of navigating the now — ‘How do I understand my child’s diagnosis?’ — juxtaposed against what is to come, or ‘What will the future hold for my child?’” McGillivary explains. “When you add those layers on top of something that’s already difficult, it can feel like a tremendous weight.”
How can parents recognize when they’re overwhelmed?
While every parent experiences stress differently, McGillivary, who is a limited licensed psychologist and licensed behavior analyst, says there are some clear warning signs. “Your fuse gets a little shorter. You become more reactive. There’s exhaustion, tiredness, headaches, body aches, lowered immunity. All of these things can be signs of stress,” she says.
She encourages taking care of yourself early on, before stress reaches a boiling point. “We shouldn’t necessarily wait until we’re getting those red flags,” she says. “Taking care of ourselves is a gift to our child.”
What are simple ways parents can manage stress every day?
McGillivary advocates for intentional self-care — small, mindful habits that can calm the nervous system and shift perspective.
“Capture those moments of relaxation and living in the present whenever you can,” she says. “If the only time you have in the morning is between dropping your child off and arriving at work, then mindfully drive to work. Pay attention to the sunshine, the birds, the music on the radio. Intentionally stay in the present and take that moment for yourself.”
Mindfulness is a learned skill that requires discipline, especially when stress alters the focus. “Our brains are wired to see the world through a pinhole when you get stressed. This allows us to focus on addressing the immediate and present danger or issue at hand” she says. “The problem arises when the issues are so frequent that we fail to pull ourselves out of that urgent mode. We begin to miss the cues around us that will help us return to a relaxed state, and we miss out on a lot of joy.”
Why Healing Haven’s support for parents is different
Healing Haven’s counselors understand the unique stressors facing caregivers of children with autism. “Our counselors have experience in understanding the barriers our families face,” McGillivary says. “They help parents prioritize how to take care of their child while also taking care of themselves.”
Recommendations are tailored to fit each family’s reality. “Being cognizant of what people can hold, and what people can actually do — that’s important,” says McGillivary. “The advice has to work in their actual lifestyle.”
What inspired the need for teaching stress management
Years ago, McGillivary created a workshop to fill a gap she saw over and over again: parents were deeply involved in their children’s therapy, but had little space to care for themselves.
“We were celebrating the gains that their kids were making, and we could see that parents were excellent agents of change,” she recalls. “But just teaching them the skills they needed to help their kids…that wasn’t enough. Many parents were struggling emotionally. We recognized that if we helped parents practice mindfulness and other stress mitigation strategies, we could see a difference in the behavior of their children.”
Healing Haven continues with the work that was started all those years ago, by offering a myriad of stress management services. Parents can find individual support through counselors and BCBAs, as well as group workshops.
“We recognize that every family’s journey is unique and each family member has differing needs. As such, we are here to help them through it one step at a time,” explains McGillivary.
Why self-care is a gift to your child
McGillivary often compares stress management to the in-flight safety instructions parents hear on airplanes: put on your own oxygen mask first before addressing your child’s. It is often the nature of parents to put the needs of their children before their own, so this analogy seems counterintuitive. Healing Haven’s philosophy proposes that it is time to change that narrative and let families know that taking care of themselves is a gift to their child. It is a necessary part of care.
And stuffing stress down? It doesn’t work. “When we stuff stress down, our body is still reacting to it,” she warns. “That can cause illness.”
The solution lies in presence, not perfection. “Living like this is an investment in your kids every single day.”
This content is sponsored by Healing Haven. Learn more about Healing Haven’s autism therapy clinics across metro Detroit for children, teens and young adults.
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