We all want our children to feel comfortable enough to present their true selves — especially in their school environment. Some children with autism struggle with this. Instead, they cover some of their autistic features or characteristics to fit in socially. This is called “masking,” and it’s a coping mechanism that autistic individuals may develop to blend in.
According to Kathryn “Kate” Wilson, Ph.D., a neuropsychologist at Henry Ford Health, some examples of masking include:
- Self-forcing eye contact more than is comfortable
- Pretending sensory sensitivities don’t exist
- Avoiding stimming
- Memorizing talking or conversation points “so that it’s not obvious that they have autism spectrum disorder when they’re in social interactions,” she says.
- Minimizing the intensity of personal interests
- Hesitations or delays in responding to others, while they call up the “correct” response to use, according to the context of the situation
Unfortunately, masking can be physically and mentally exhausting, yet “it can definitely be a survival tactic for autistic individuals to avoid negative attention or to try to blend in,” adds Emily LeRose, Ph.D., CCC-SLP, a speech-language pathologist at Henry Ford Health.
That’s not all. “There’s some research to suggest that in adolescents and adults there might be some internalizing symptoms, like depression or anxiety, particularly if somebody’s masking because they feel that their autism is not accepted or they feel they have to do it to survive — if they’re getting picked on or bullied,” Wilson says.
Over time, says LeRose, masking can lead to a diminished sense of self. “If you’re constantly pretending to act like someone, not sharing interests, or suppressing other aspects of yourself based on what you feel is socially acceptable, you’re not really sharing authentically in social relationships,” she explains.
How does masking affect your child in the classroom?
Masking at school can mean your child is:
- Less comfortable sharing opinions, interests and feelings
- Less able to learn, engage and interact in class
- Carrying a “high cognitive load” of masking and trying to learn at the same time for long periods of time
You may not witness your child masking their autism at home in the same manner that they do at school. If you suspect your child is masking during the school day, LeRose suggests that you establish and maintain open communication with your child’s teacher — and share their strengths and areas of challenge.
Home may be a safe space for your child to experience meltdowns and outbursts, says Wilson. “If you’re hearing that your child has absolutely no problems whatsoever at school, but when they get home you see a blip before they can settle into the rest of the day, that might be a sign that they’re just tapped out from having worked so hard to mask or engage in more socially acceptable behaviors during the school day,” she explains.
Sound familiar? You may be able to better support your child when you can understand what they are experiencing at school.
How can you help your child better share their authentic self in their school environment?
Here are four ways parents can help their child:
- Advocate for an inclusive and neurodiversity-affirming space, “so that all students can feel comfortable and safe being themselves and that everyone is respected and supported,” says LeRose.
- Talk with your child’s teacher or school administration about ways to share information about, normalize and celebrate diverse communication, interaction and behavioral styles in the classroom, LeRose also suggests.
- Consider speech therapy for your child, even if they have verbal skills. “Speech therapy can be helpful for children who may need support in social-pragmatic communication skill development, so they don’t have to fall back on rehearsed scripts or imitation of others to get through a day of social interaction at school,” LeRose says.
- Your child’s school psychologist, social worker or counselor can help your child learn to self-advocate — and can get teachers, paraprofessionals and peers on the same supportive page.
The more resources you have now, the more you can help your child plan for support throughout their lifespan, says Wilson.
“I start talking with people about what I call ‘transition planning to adulthood’ in middle school. We want to start thinking about what life is going to be like with plenty of years to practice, get support and build these skills and build our medical community, our educational community and our social community going forward,” she says.
How common interests help your child build skills and feel confident in social situations
Your child can learn many skills by engaging in social situations, says Wilson. “Find your group. Is there an activity that everybody is really into, like Pokemon or trains, where your child can be their authentic self without having to mask so much?”
Or, seek out a social skills group, suggests LeRose. “These can be really helpful for children who do need extra social support and want to find like-minded peers that they can share things with in a more authentic way,” she says.
These can be hard to find, but worth the effort. Start your search with local pediatric counseling or therapy practices that may offer social skills groups as well as your school district.
“If no social groups exist in your school district, ask your school to consider supporting the creation of one. There are likely other students who could benefit and professionals like social workers, school psychologists, or SLPs who are willing to support them,” LeRose suggests.
Content sponsored by Henry Ford Health. Learn more at henryford.com.
Read more articles like this at Metro Parent’s Your Top Kids Health Questions — Answered!
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