While fewer teens are sexually active these days, the CDC reports, it’s still a reality. And discovering that your teenager is having sex can be difficult for parents to process.
Beyond the emotional response, there’s the fact that sexual activity involving minors can have legal implications. However, reacting with anger or panic isn’t the solution.
Kaliopi E. Melistas, M.S., L.L.P., a child and adolescent psychologist with Henry Ford Health in Detroit, stresses the importance of staying calm and approaching the situation with care and open communication.
We connected with Melistas for her advice — originally with Christina Clark, a passionate youth advocate and former editor for Metro Parent. Kim Kovelle, Metro Parent’s long-time content specialist, updated it in late 2024 with the latest information.
Why it’s important to start conversations early
Melistas emphasizes the importance of having age-appropriate conversations about sex early on, starting in preschool and continuing into adolescence.
These discussions should evolve to cover:
- Identifying private parts
- Understanding healthy relationships
- The emotional consequences of sex
- STDs and pregnancy
- The risks of sexting and social media
“When you find out your kid is dating, it’s super important parents talk about what defines a healthy relationship,” says Melistas, “and what constitutes a healthy relationship, sex — and different types of abuse that happen.”
Be realistic about what you can control. “It’s our job as parents to give them as much information as we can and to help guide them,” Melistas adds. “The reality is, once they walk out that door, you can’t protect them from everything.”
That said, research shows that teens who do have open conversations about sex with their parents are more likely to use protection and may delay becoming sexually active.
Signs your teenager’s relationship might be serious
Melistas suggests teens shouldn’t date until around age 16 — after they’ve experienced friendships, have a good sense of self and can stand up for what they believe.
But it can vary by child. And, either way, parents should pay attention to behavioral changes.
“One of the first things we hear from parents is their kids aren’t sleeping, they aren’t eating, and they’re moodier,” Melistas says. Lying about where they are going or spending all their time with one person can also be red flags.
Watch for signs that your teen is losing interest in previously enjoyed activities, too, or becoming obsessed with their partner.
How to handle the situation if your teenager is having sex
If you find out your teenager is having sex, it’s crucial to gather information before reacting.
“Ask if they are being safe and if they are using protection,” Melistas advises. “At this point, you already know that they’re doing it, so telling them not to do it isn’t going to help.”
Instead, focus on educating them about the full range of consequences that come with sexual activity. “Explain that you could be on birth control and still get pregnant,” she says, “and talk about the emotional connection and what arises from that.”
And if you happen to walk in on your teenager in the act, try to stay calm. “At that moment, again, I think it’s important to say, ‘OK, we need to have a conversation,’” Melistas says.
Setting limits on your teenager’s relationship
It’s important to talk openly about sex without creating a negative stigma. “There needs to be consequences,” Melistas says, “but there also needs to be a conversation about those consequences.”
Limiting freedoms is an appropriate response. This might include:
- Not allowing your teen to spend time alone at home with their partner
- Setting a curfew for when your teen must return home from dates
- Encouraging group activities instead of one-on-one time
- Requiring more check-ins or updates on their whereabouts
- Attending events or outings as a family to provide supervision in a casual way
To maintain safety and responsibility, it may be necessary to set stricter boundaries.
“Every situation is different, but the hope is that the conversations happen early enough.”
Involve the partner’s parents when setting boundaries
When your teenager is having sex with a partner, it’s often helpful for both sets of parents to communicate and agree on boundaries and safety measures.
“It’s difficult, but obviously the child is not participating in the activity by themselves,” Melistas says. “One of the things that we’ve seen happen is the parents will talk to each other and come to a consensus of having the conversation together.”
Expertise from Henry Ford Health. Find more articles like this at Metro Parent’s Your Top Kids Health Questions — Answered!
from Metro Parent https://ift.tt/GJrDlP5
0 comments:
Post a Comment