Planning a party, holiday gathering or backyard cookout? If you’re inviting a family that includes a child with autism, six thoughtful steps can make your event more autism-friendly — and more comfortable and inclusive.
1. Start with an invitation — and acceptance
Autism affects the whole family, not just the individual child. Many families hesitate to attend gatherings because they’ve felt judged or excluded in the past.
“Just extending the invitation is a huge first step,” says Jamie McGillivary, President and Founder of Healing Haven, an ABA therapy center with locations in Madison Heights and Farmington Hills. “Then go a step further — create a space that’s accepting, not judgmental.”
Judgment can show up in subtle ways — through unsolicited parenting advice, assumptions about behavior or discomfort when something feels unfamiliar. Instead, focus on what’s beautiful and unique about the child and family. Offering a warm smile or a kind word can go much further than offering an opinion.
“Say something like, ‘I love how you two connect,’” McGillivary suggests. “Those comments help families feel seen, supported and accepted.”
2. Ask questions and listen
Before the gathering, reach out to the family. Ask:
- “What can I do to make your child feel comfortable?”
- “Are there foods I should avoid or include?”
- “Are there sensory issues I should know about?”
- “Would a quiet room help if things get overwhelming?”
Even knowing small things — like a favorite snack or a behavior to expect — can make a big difference.
3. Make small autism-friendly adjustments
Simple changes can make your space more autism-friendly:
- Remove fragile or tempting objects
- Keep familiar foods on hand — whatever the family suggests
- Offer a quiet retreat space that’s comfortable and calm
If dietary restrictions are involved — like gluten- or dye-free diets — ask what you can provide, even down to a particular preferred brand. Or let the family know they’re welcome to bring food.
4. Don’t take things personally
If the family arrives late, leaves early or the child has a hard moment, it’s not about you.
“Even 15 minutes of joy is a win,” McGillivary says. “That builds comfort and helps families feel they can try again.”
Your goal is to end the visit on a positive note, even if it’s brief. That experience can lay the foundation for longer, more relaxed visits in the future.
5. Support parents, too
Parents of children with autism are multitasking — watching, responding and anticipating. Be patient if they seem distracted.
“You may only get part of the parent’s attention,” McGillivary says. “But they’re managing a lot behind the scenes.”
Offer genuine encouragement when you can. These small gestures help parents feel welcome and supported, too.
6. Encourage connection — but don’t force it
Don’t expect kids to become fast friends right away. “It takes baby steps,” McGillivary explains. “Even with shared interests, they may need time and repeated visits to feel safe enough to interact.”
Hosting families more than once helps build that familiarity. Over time, the kids (and parents) will feel more comfortable engaging.
A judgment-free zone is the most autism-friendly thing you can offer
You don’t need to be perfect to be welcoming. Ask thoughtful questions. Let go of expectations. Avoid assumptions about how a child should behave or how a parent should respond.
“Being judgment-free is at the heart of acceptance,” McGillivary says. “When you offer a space where families can come as they are — that’s when they truly feel a sense of belonging.”
Learn more:
- Love and relationships on the autism spectrum
- Becoming friends with a person with autism
- Finding community: the difference between autism awareness and autism acceptance
This content is sponsored by Healing Haven, an ABA therapy center with locations in Madison Heights and Farmington Hills. Learn more about Healing Haven’s unique ABA therapy programs for ages 2 to young adult. Visit thehealinghaven.net.
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