The uncertain state of the world can often leave many of us feeling daunted or overwhelmed. From the constant exposure to 24-hour headlines to unfiltered footage of war on social media, it’s likely that the children in your life have also seen it and may be trying to make sense of what they have witnessed and heard.
As a parent or caregiver, you might be wondering how to address these questions, how honest you should be or how to explain things you might not fully understand yourself. But having thoughtful and age-appropriate conversations about war and conflict can help children feel safer, more informed and less anxious or alone in their worries.
1. Remain calm.
Try to remain calm and collected when talking. Your child can pick up on body language if you appear anxious or fearful and may be less inclined to share how they’re feeling.
2. Remember to keep things age-appropriate.
Brown Health says it’s important to use age-appropriate language when discussing conflict or tragedy. Even though discussing these events may be difficult, children should know what is happening in the world they live in. But as a parent or caregiver, you also have the responsibility to protect them from distress. You can inform them about what is going on without sharing unnecessary facts or details that may cause additional distress.
3. Listen to how they are feeling and what they already know.
Children can discover news in a multitude of ways, from friends at school to overhearing the television at home, so it’s important to learn what they already learned about the situation. Before offering explanations, gently ask them what they know or what they think is happening.
You can do this by simply asking open-ended questions like “What did you hear about this?” or “How did it make you feel?” The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says this provides the opportunity not only to correct potential misinformation but also to create a safe space for expression and reassurance for your child about their safety.
4. Reassure them.
Reassure the child that they are safe from harm, and remind them that there are adults in their life working to protect them. Institute of Digital Media and Child Development tells us to focus on what is true and within your control, such as emphasizing current stability. You can do this by reminding them, “I am here with you now,” or “Right now, you are safe.”
Reassure the child that you’re there for support and that all feelings are welcome. Let them know it’s okay to express themselves, whether they are confused, sad or maybe not very impacted at all.
5. Emphasize the good: Highlight help, hope or current action.
Oftentimes, especially in times of crisis, positive headlines are overshadowed by tragedy. But just because it isn’t being covered, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. While it’s important to remember and acknowledge these events, children can significantly benefit from hearing about the people who are helping.
The Institute of Digital Media and Child Development also suggests bringing attention to the current action. This can be done through sharing stories of doctors, volunteers, rescue workers or even everyday people showing kindness. This doesn’t ignore or diminish the seriousness of the situation. Instead, it helps children understand that even during difficult events, compassion and action remain part of the story.
6. Limit intake of distressing news or media.
Constant news cycles can be overwhelming for children and adults alike. Graphic footage, alarmist headlines and repetitive coverage can significantly contribute to anxiety even if the events are happening thousands of miles away.
Be mindful and aware of what is playing on screens when children are around. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry advises setting boundaries on news consumption or finding time to check updates privately. If your child wants additional information, provide it in smaller amounts using more age-appropriate language, rather than through unfiltered social media content.
7. Continue check-in and seek out help if needed.
Continue to gently check in with your child. They may process information more slowly, or even return with new questions about the situation. UNICEF suggests to watch for changes in behavior, such as trouble sleeping, stomachaches or irritability, as they can signal that a child is feeling overwhelmed. If distress continues or begins to interfere with daily activities, consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional.
8. Compassion, not stigma
UNICEF also says that war and conflict can also bring increased prejudice, stereotypes or discrimination. Children may hear biased or harmful statements in the media or from adults and peers. When talking with children, take the opportunity to reinforce empathy and critical thinking. Remind them that it’s okay to ask questions, and that treating others with kindness, especially during difficult times, is important.
Reflection
Talking about war, conflict and tragedy with your children can feel daunting. But it doesn’t require perfection; it requires presence. By listening calmly, offering reassurance and highlighting helpers, you can help your child feel safer and supported in an uncertain world.
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