You don’t need a degree in child psychology to raise a kid who trusts you. But you do need to create the kind of relationship where they feel safe being themselves and safe telling you when they mess up.
We spoke to two young adults who grew up in metro Detroit — Starr, 28, now building a career in film in California, and Chad, 31, who owns a growing security business based here in Michigan. Both say they’ve always had strong bonds with their parents.
They described childhood homes where they felt secure, understood and valued. While their families’ structures looked different but the emotional blueprints they describe are strikingly similar.
Here’s what we learned from their stories and what it might mean for parents today.
More than “the cool parent” — be the safe one
It’s tempting to think closeness comes from being the laid-back, anything-goes parent. But what stuck with Starr and Chad wasn’t looseness, it was safety.
Starr described a home where she always knew she could go to her mom with anything. Not because she feared punishment, but because she trusted she’d be heard without judgment.
That trust, built early, helped her avoid rebellion entirely. She simply didn’t want to jeopardize the connection they had.
Chad said something similar. His home was calm, welcoming and consistent. His parents didn’t overreact to mistakes. Yes, there were consequences, but also conversations, support and follow-through. In both homes, discipline was less about control and more about care.
Say it clearly, say it often: “You can tell me anything”
It’s not enough to hope your child knows they can come to you. Starr’s mom made that invitation explicit from the beginning: If you’re ever in trouble, call me, no questions asked.
By putting that out there clearly and repeatedly, her mom laid the groundwork for openness. She also modeled trust because she believed in Starr’s ability to make good decisions.
The message for other parents? Don’t wait for your child to come to you in crisis. Start early and keep repeating that they can. Not just when things are going great, but especially when they’re not.
A united front, even in two households
Whether parents live together or apart, what matters most is that kids see them working together with consistency.
Chad recalled how his mom and dad had different styles — his mom was more vocal, his dad more behind the scenes — but they always aligned. That unity gave him a sense of security and fairness that stuck with him.
Starr’s parents divorced when she was young, but her mom made sure it never felt like a tug-of-war. Her parents shared custody evenly, lived close by in Berkley and maintained a respectful relationship. “I was very much still raised by both parents,” she said.
That cohesion, regardless of marital status, gave both Starr and Chad a strong emotional foundation.
Let kids be kids, you handle the stress
Chad didn’t realize until adulthood just how much his parents buffered him from life’s harder edges. They made sacrifices quietly, kept the atmosphere steady and gave him the space to focus on being a kid. “You want your child to feel like everything is great, happy, safe and healthy,” he said.
Starr’s mom created a similar buffer, supporting big decisions without overburdening her kids with adult concerns. When Starr pursued a creative career, her mom was all in, cheering her on and making sure she knew she was backed no matter what.
Parents don’t need to protect kids from truth, but from excess worry. That space builds resilience, confidence and calm.
See the whole child, not just their behavior
Starr and Chad both described growing up in homes where they were treated like whole people — respected, listened to and supported, even when they made mistakes or had strong opinions.
Starr recalled moments of passionate disagreement, but her mom always stayed grounded, listened carefully and made her feel heard. Chad reflected on times when he resisted schoolwork or rules, but now sees it was all rooted in care and consistency.
That kind of acceptance — the sense that you can be your full self, even when it’s messy — is what keeps the door open for honest conversations and lifelong trust.
Starr and Chad didn’t grow up in identical homes, but they both describe the same emotional blueprint: safety, consistency and trust. And now, as adults, those early relationships continue to shape how they move through the world with confidence, stability and strong mental health.
Chad is raising a young son and expecting another child early next year. He’s already drawing from the example his parents set, prioritizing open communication, steady discipline and the kind of relationship where honesty is welcomed, even when it’s hard. It’s the kind of parenting that makes emotional safety the norm, not the exception.
For Starr, that deep bond with her mom became a model for all her relationships. It helped her set high standards for trust and connection — with friends, her partner and herself. That kind of secure attachment has become a quiet strength in her adult life.
The takeaway for parents? The connection you build now — with calm presence, clear values and unconditional support — can become the foundation your child carries for life. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do to support their mental and emotional well-being.
This content is sponsored by the Ethel and James Flinn Foundation. Visit flinnfoundation.org.
Find more articles like this at Metro Parent’s A Parent’s Guide to Family Mental Health.
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